Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
