I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
