i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
