I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
