My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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