she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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