my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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