Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
