apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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