The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
