Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
