so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
