How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
