dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
