actually, I'm a sock model
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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