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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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