you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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