dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize