Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
