So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
