I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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