You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just cropdusted the office
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
