so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
