she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
