I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
