wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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