I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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