Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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