just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
