Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my sisters under your porch take her home
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
