Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
