That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
