I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
