"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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