he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
