he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
