You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
