Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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