You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
