currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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