i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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