Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
