she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
