just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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