She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
