Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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