You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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