hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
