the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
