I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
