I'm so fucking centered right now
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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