I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
