i don't like sucking hair
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
