btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
