It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
