Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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