there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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