this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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