I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
