R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
