My hand turned me down
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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