Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
