No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
