She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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