Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
