WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
