would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
