we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
