My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
