Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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