she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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