Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
