forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
