im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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