gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
